No Choice

From the time I found out I was pregnant, it was very important to me to be able to breastfeed my child, and I knew that I wanted to do it for at least the first 3 months until I went back to work. Then I was challenged by one of the lactation nurses to continue as I went back to work, and I thought "okay, maybe I can", so I had it set in my mind that I could do this. I have been doing so well at work, pumping every 4 hours, and cutting my lunches to 5 minutes so I could pump, and I was happy to do this. So, today is a sad day for me. No one can explain the bond between mother and child during breastfeeding, but it is very rewarding to know that your body is providing for your child. However, yesterday I came down with a horrible stomach bug that totally knocked me out. I was throwing up continuously and continued to throw up after there was nothing else to throw up. Therefore, I was unable to even feed my son or pump from 2pm until I finally got the strength at 1 am. However, I believe my body was so dehydrated that I was only able to produce 4.5 ounces, and from hear on out it went downhill, and although I have tried to pump every 2 hours, I am afraid my milk production is gone. It's very hard to know that yesterday at 2 pm was the last time I could breastfeed my little guy, but I guess he is just growing up. I know this sounds silly to be upset about, but I really wanted to make it to 6 months, and to know I was only 3 weeks away. Oh well, I did a great job, and I am proud of myself. I am just a little worried about how Mr. Man will respond, but so far he doesn't even know the difference:) Just needed to vent. By the way, during this horrible puke fest, I forgot to mention that Michael was out of town, and Asher had nothing but an out of commission parent, but he was such a good little boy and entertained himself while I laid in the fetal position next to him. Thank the Lord for that, what a good little guy:)

Don't Judge a Book by its Cover??

This is definitely the question on my mind today as I struggle in making the decision to put my precious little boy into a new daycare. I just want to start out by saying how totally jealous I am of those who still live in their hometowns, and are aware of the type of people taking care of their youngins. I know jealousy is an ugly emotion, however, I am very torn. The lady that keeps children in her home at this time is unavailable, but a friend of hers referred to the daycare center where her children go. I was so hopeful as I arrived at this rusty roofed older home that was only a few miles from my house, even though the outside left something to be desired, I was so hoping the inside would just be great. As I walked inside, I realized that this too was somewhat of a disappointment. Then I spoke to the owner, who has no formal education and speaks somewhat like a redneck (so inappropriate I know, but come on they may possibly be taking care of a very precious life), however, she spent over an hour talking with me. She was very honest and I could tell very caring. She assured me that children are not allowed to sleep anywhere but there cribs, which I really appreciate, and that they follow their normal sleep routines from home, also a bonus for me. Asher also seemed to enjoy her company as he sat in my lap and smiled largely as she showed him attention. So, I am looking past the outward appearance so far, and I say show me the room! As I look in on this tiny little room, again I am disappointed, but I still don't have that negative, horrible mommy feeling about Asher going here. Yes, his possible teacher looks like she stuck her finger in a light socket and seems to have some type of skin disorder, and so what that she wears cotton pants and a t-shirt. The fact is, she is down on the floor with these children crawling all over her loving her, and she was nice as can be. She reads to the children, and gives them attention, something that my angel is not getting where he is at now. The mother who referred to this place says that her daughter just about leaps out of her arms to go to Miss Renee (who is the infant teacher), however, I really don't even know this woman, can I trust her? I am wondering if I am just stuck thinking that my child should be in a "name brand" daycare, even though I am not convinced that the care is better...they just seem to put kids wherever they are quiet and rotate babies as they feed them. This is such a hard decision, but I think he would be loved in this rusty roof home, honestly, and I wonder if that is more important than top of the line education programs with teachers that are too busy to show him attention. This would be so much easier with family around. I am blessed in so many ways that I hate to even be struggling with this, but I just want what's best for my little man that I love so much. Those of you who don't have to work or live near family that help you with childcare, praise God for this blessing, cause it's a big one. I will let you know what we do, but comments are appreciated:)

Jesus Loves Me

As some of you know, I recently started back to work after taking a fair amount of time off with Asher. Many of you also know how much I despise daycare. In fact, I tear up every time I have to drop the little guy off because he always seems to look up at me with his sweet little face with an expression that says "Mommy, why are you leaving me here with all these screaming kids," which is heartbreaking. I will say that I am fortunate enough to only have to leave him three days a week, but they are really long days that he has to stay there, and he has been sick since he started. Therefore, I began praying early on that God would help us to find a suitable place for Asher to stay while we were at work, and that we would feel somewhat comfortable leaving him. Well, I went to the dentist today, and while the little hygeinist was scraping the heck out of my teeth she was telling me about a nearby church daycare that was highly recommended. So immediately after my appointment I rushed over there, only to find out that they have school hours, and the waiting list was a mile long. However, the lady that helped we was so kind, and was trying to search the internet for me when it dawned on her that she had recently had a woman come in that was wanting to start her own in home childcare center, and she wanted some of the names from her waiting list to look for children. Now, did I mention that this woman lives in a very nice neighborhood, she was a teacher that won the golden apple award and wanted to stay home with her older children, and she is conveniently one street over from mine!!! Not to mention she only works in her home three days a weeks, so she has longer hours...which is absolutely perfect for us! If God didn't hand pick her for us then I must be crazy. The only catch is that she only accepts 3 infants, and right now she has her third, but the mother has not completely committed just yet, which means that there might be a chance. I am thinking so positive about this because I truly believe that God is answering my prayer, or at least He has opened a door for me. Another thing is, if she does work out, I pray that work will let me have a Tue,Wed, Thurs schedule. Anyway, anyone who reads this, if you happen to have any extra prayer time, keep me in mind in this situation. Anyone who is a working mom out there with ABSOLUTELY no family around can understand my joy in this day. Thanks for listening:)

Long Time Overdue!!!

Well, I have not blogged since I was very early in my pregnancy because honestly, I am not the type that is good at putting my thoughts onto paper, but then I realized that this is kind of like a diary and felt I would enjoy going back and reliving some special moments.

Since my last post, Michael and I were extremely blessed with a handsome little man on August 21, 2008. His name is Asher Michael Webb, and he is truly a gift from God. He really has developed such an amazing personality in last 4 months, and it is so fun to watch. He has come such a long way and learned so much already. He is playing with his hands and trying to put everything in his mouth these days. He can roll over from his tummy all by himself...he learned that really quick because he absolutely hates tummy time. He loves bathtime, and many times he will throw one arm over the side of his little tub and he appears to be just chillin in the tub. If he isn't doing that, he is usually trying to kick all the water out of the tub. He has also learned to laugh and he has a very ticklish spot right on his collar bone. Talking, not literally, is also his new favorite thing to do. He is very loud...imagine where he got that from, and he enjoys making lots of noises, and then he makes a long spitting noise at the end of his conversations to himself, he is so funny. Rice cereal is is newest interesting food. We got the go ahead at the doctor for his 4 month visit, and he is really not sure what to do with it. He will only eat the cereal if he is allowed to hold the spoon and put it in his mouth himself. The problem is, he has no control over the spoon and he ends up gagging himself in the process...he's learning though. However, with the good comes some bad. He had already had his first ear infections on Christmas Eve, and now the poor little guy has pink eye! He is a strong little fellow, and brings so much joy into our life.

Michael and I are also currently trying to get our house ready to put on the market. We are aware that the market is terrible right now, so we are prepared to patiently wait until God wants us to find somewhere else to be. Luckily, we are not in a rush:) Anyway, this is all I have to say for now. I am going to attempt to find out how to post pictures and fun stuff like that because I am not really computer savvy.